A Wedding Is an Expense, But a Marriage Is an Investment

By Angie Mack, three strands {weddings & events}

He proposed.  You said “Yes!” Y’all are elated about the engagement. Aw…the wedding planning begins…. Au contraire, my friend!  Before you jump into anything…in fact, before you even set the wedding date or book that perfect venue, now is the ideal time to start preparing yourself for the journey of marriage beyond the wedding ceremony. By preparing, I mean, to invest in pre-marital counseling. This thing called ‘marriage preparation’ deserves your undivided attention.

Wedding planning is a complicated event–a daunting task. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event and can easily consume time and energy.  This is why you need to hire a professional wedding planner to do that part for you; allowing you to be stress-free. Your planner can help you save time and money, which will allow you to direct that tangible savings into investing in pre-marital counseling in preparation for your marriage.

Even a small amount of coaching can have a detectable, positive influence on a couple’s level of marital contentment. Pre-marital counseling will address the unique issues couples face and truly prepare them for marriage. It will give you the chance to enhance your core relationship skills. Additionally, it is a great avenue to talk openly about your expectations now, before you’re married. Counseling will focus on the major foundations of marriage including, but not limited to, the following:

*  Communication:  It is the vital link to every aspect of your relationship.  It is not just important, but essential, to a strong marriage.

*  Financial management:  Each individual has differing views regarding finances. Blending and budgeting your finances is not one’s idea of romantic.  In fact, money is rarely discussed before the “I do”.  When you marry, most likely you will be affected by your spouse’s financial history and behaviors—which, for some, leads to financial stress.  Money is cited as the leading cause of divorce.

*  Marital expectations:  When your expectations are not met, it often leads to disappointments…dissatisfaction.

*   Marital intimacy:  This covers more than just sex.  It includes emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy.

*  Personality temperaments:  Understand what makes your partner “tick,” so you can celebrate each other’s individuality.

*  Love Language: Learning to speak your partner’s “Love Language” will enhance your communication and spice up your marriage.  It is the key to meeting your partner’s need for emotional love.

There’s more to marriage than choosing the perfect wedding dress to fit your body type…where to honeymoon…selecting the picture-perfect venue…need I say more?  Again, think beyond the wedding ceremony.  While the dream for that ultimate, beautiful wedding is understandable, a beautiful marriage should be even more coveted.  What will your marriage really be like in six months, in five years  –  perhaps wonder if your love will sustain the first year?  How do you know if you’re ready to get married, or if this is the right person?  Do you really know him/her?  What baggage are you both bringing in to the marriage?  These are really difficult questions. Yet, most couples don’t address them.  They believe their love for one another is enough.  Your closest family and friends might have validated this.  Yep, even the Beatles sang it best “All you need is love.”  Fact is, couples today are separating, contemplating divorce, because love alone is not enough.

Many people have described newly married as “wedded bliss.”  In the midst of this happiness state are deep underlying issues that surface once they’re married…perhaps in a day, week, month, or even a year after their wedding.  You’ve probably experienced a few disagreements and arguments during courtship.  Do you know these will inevitably continue once you’re married?  There will be “He said,” “She said.” At the very first sight of conflict, one or even both may be ready to “call it quits.” Those that do survive and are happy, work hard to develop relationship skills.

In 2013 alone, the average wedding cost in the United States was upwards of $25,000. Such an astounding expense to prepare for a beautiful, elaborate wedding day, but what about the investment needed in preparing to make the marriage work?  Statistics say that more than 2.1 million people will get married this year.  If you are included in that count, it is crucial to embark on this lifetime marriage with a strong foundation.  During marriage preparation, the important thing is that you’ll know how to handle challenges effectively.  Wouldn’t it be great if you equipped yourselves with the right answers now…before you get married?  Better yet, once married, you’ll most likely have a marriage that doesn’t just survive, but really thrives!

Married almost 32 years– and over eight (8) years of having counseled couples who are engaged, newly married and even marriage in crisis –I strongly believe that separation and divorce results from the lack of preparation for marriage, coupled by the failure to work together as teammates once married. The famous Benjamin Franklin says it best, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”  Prepare now. Preparation time is never a waste of time. Invest in your marriage, and your wedding day will last a lifetime. Not sure who said this, but “It’ll work if you work it.”

Is marriage preparation/pre-marital counseling on your checklist?  It should be!